Movie Quote Lightning Round: Role Models

Danny: I would like a large black coffee.

Barista: Do you mean vente? 

Danny: No I mean large. Vente means 20; tall is large; grande is Spanish for large. Vente is the only one that doesn’t mean large. Congratulations you are stupid in three languages. 

Gayle: My father was a traveling salesman and my mother, out of necessity, was a whore.

Blumphkin: Oh they have chicken fingers. I’m going to run a train on some chicken fingers. 

Danny: I loved your rendition of the Chipmunk Charlie’s Theme song. I loved how it invoked the essence of ass and butt.

Danny: Pick us up at 6.

Ronnie: F*** you Miss Daisy.

Tale of the Tape: Jim Carrey

Love: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Ace Ventura 1, Liar Liar.

Like: Dumb and Dumber (this is silly, but the thing that keeps me from loving this movie is when they sell the dead bird to the blind kid; it’s just so mean), Me, Myself and Irene, Ace Ventura 2, The Truman Show, Batman Forever (I know its not good but …).

Meh: Fun With Dick and Jane, The Majestic, Bruce Almighty, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Simon Birch, The Cable Guy, Man on the Moon, The Mask. 

Dislike: Lemony Snickett’s a Series of Unfortunate Events

Hate: The Number 23. 

Final Verdict: I think Jim Carrey is similar to Robin Williams, even though at just 10 years younger they were probably contemporaries. Both had a high-strung brand of comedy, both had monumental comedic movie success (although Carrey wins there; that’s why he was paid $25 mill per picture for a little while), both have done voice work and both have done serious movies. 

I’m going to hold out hope that Carrey rights this ship and gives another performance like Eternal Sunshine. In both Eternal Sunshine and the Truman Show, he is understated, believable and likable. Based on his other movies this is not something that comes easily to him. 

I think he should go after a strong supporting role to work back into serious fare. 

Philosophical Comedy

I generally find these takes to be true.

Louis CK on the difference between boys and girls

"The difference between boys and girls is: boys f*** things up, girls are f***ed up. A boy just does damage to your house that you can measure in dollars like a hurricane. Girls leave scars in your psyche that you find later like a genocide or atrocity … And that becomes the difference between men and women … A guy will rip your arm off and throw it in a river, but he’ll leave you as a human being intact. Women are nonviolent, but they will s*** inside your heart."

Chris Rock on wealth

"I’m not talking about rich; I’m talking about wealth … Shaq is rich; the white man who signs Shaq’s check is wealthy. Here you go Shaq buy yourself another bouncing car … Wealth is empowering, wealth can lift communities out of poverty, wealth will set us f***** free."

He brings this up again when he talks about his house and the black dentist having to invent teeth.

Patton Oswalt on small towns

"When you grow up in a soulless, nondescript small town you are given a present from God. That gift was the test of the small town. You pass the test when you say, ‘I’m leaving before I kill everyone and myself. You fail when you say, ‘I’m going to get a job at the Citgo and fill my truck up for free.’"

George Carlin on soft and hard words

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with these words; it’s the context. That’s what counts."

Of course he’s talked about that often.