My Least Favorite TV Wives

I’ve been working my way through Breaking Bad. I have previously defended Skylar White when someone had the natural response of “I hate his wife.” My response: “She’s not as bad as some TV wives.” This was the group I was thinking of.

Now, this is not true of every show. Edie Falco seemed to do a fine job on the Sopranos as Carmella (not a show I watched, though), Katey Segal’s Gemma is the best character on Sons of Anarchy, I always liked Rachel Griffith’s Brenda on Six Feet Under and Keri Russell’s Elizabeth Jennings is one of the biggest badasses on television.

My apologies to the fairer sex. I couldn’t think of a male example.

5. Skylar White

This is definitely a more well-rounded example than future entries on this list. I think Anna Gunn is a fine actress and my dislike is aimed squarely at Skylar as a character. Her pathological liar streak and the fact she’s the one and has a extramarital tryst are interesting character developments.

She has some good moments.

But one of my favorite’s is when Walter Jr. tells her off at the dinner table.

She’s just as secretive as Walter with a bit of a mean streak to match; that’s why they work. I feel for many of the characters on Breaking Bad but Skylar is not one of them.

4. Winona Hawkins on Justified

I hated the season 2 plot line where Winona steals $50 K from the evidence room, inane and unnecessary. The show made the smart decision of moving her out of Raylen’s life in Season 3.

3. Rick’s Wife on the Walking Dead

This is character you are supposed to sympathize for. She’s between a rock and hard place when Rick comes back from his coma and she’s been linked up with resident bad boy Shane. She’s pregnant and she has another kid.

Still, I wanted her to get eaten by zombies so bad. I was rooting for it. I’m going to chalk this up to bad acting by Sarah Wayne Callies.

2. Betty Draper

You’re supposed to hate Betty. She is so cold and she is mean to her daughter. But, I hate her even more because January Jones is so wooden there are practically birds nesting in her perfect blond coif.

Now, Mad Men is the show I’m going to get into next. I’ve heard that she undergoes a bit of a character transformation in later seasons.

1. Dexter’s Wife

This is the perfect storm of a naturally annoying character paired with horrific acting by Julie Benz. It was a regular occurrence during season 3 for me to voice out loud, “Dexter, kill her please.” I think I actually cheered when she ended up dead at the end of that season.

That’s not supposed to happen. You see that baby? Her death was supposed to be tragic.



These, for me, are the two most depressing paintings in western history. They were painted by post-impressionist Henry de Toulouse-Lautrec, a man who, due to inbreeding, was born with a genetic disorder that prevented his legs from growing after they were broken. After being so thoroughly mocked for is appearance, he became an alcoholic, which is what eventually caused his institutionalization and death. His only known romantic relations were with prostitutes.

And then he paints something like this which is so beautiful and tender and sentimental. It seems like the couple in bed really loves each other—cares about each other. Wakes up happy to look at each other. And I see that love and passion and I wonder how lonely he must have been. I wonder how he could paint something like this without it breaking his heart. 

Maybe they say artists should create what they know, not because its unbelievable when they extend themselves beyond their experiences, but because when they pull it off with such elegance, it’s so damn unbearable to look at. I hate thinking of Lautrec, wondering about the lovers he created and knowing it was beyond his experience. Creating something that he knows is beautiful and knows he’ll never really understand. 

My Favorite Comedy Villains

Warning: an inordinate amount of these will be from Will Ferrell movies. 

Honarable mentions: Zach from Wedding Crashers, Roger Wesley from The Other Guys, David Ershon from the Other GuysKing Argotron from Role Models, and Mr. Chow from the Hangover.

5. Shooter McGavin

I just saw two big fat naked bikers off 17 having sex. How am I supposed to chip with that going on? 

4. Derek from Step Brothers

I haven’t had a carb since 2004. 

Dane Cook. Pay-per-view. 20 minutes. Let’s Go. 

3. The Rabbit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail


2. Ted Jones from Pineapple Express

Has anyone seen my bigger knife? 

1. Jean Girard from Talladega Nights

Hakuna Matata, bitches!